Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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