Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
