Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
