I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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