You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
