He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
