i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
