Whod you bang
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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