Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
