So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
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