Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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