You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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