I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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