Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize