dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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