I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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