I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
