she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
