I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
