i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
