I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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