the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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