You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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