This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
