I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
