This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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