Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
