I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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