i don't like sucking hair
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
