his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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