bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
