I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
