y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
