You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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