Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
