that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
