Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
