I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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