I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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