I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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