Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
