You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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