I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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