I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
