I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
