Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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