Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
