i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
