Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
