You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
