would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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