Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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