Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
