my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
