we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
