once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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