Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
