I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
