I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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