I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
